You look around the house, feeling like you are in a constant cycle of never feeling caught up.  You wonder how others accomplish so much, how their house is ever clean or how they seem to avoid a constant state of feeling overwhelmed.  

Life is a balancing act in which we do the urgent and pressing while also trying to manage the less demanding, yet necessary, needs of life.  For every decision we make, there are consequences, some good and some bad. When we get overwhelmed, we often go into survival mode of just working at the things that NEED to get done while neglecting the other things that might even help us more in the long run.  It is important to do them BOTH but when you are just surviving, the thought of doing it all is often too much to handle. 

As a mom of four kids, I live in a world of never having extra time and working away at a to-do list that seemingly gets longer despite crossing things off each day.  Over the past several years, I have experienced a whole range of emotions, from feeling like I would NEVER have control over our home or schedule to now feeling like I am able to teach others a few tips that have helped me feel less chaotic. Don’t get me wrong. I still get overwhelmed! I still feel stressed and out of control at times. But when I do, I now am better able to recognize where to start and how to work towards regaining that control. 

So when the laundry is piled up like Mt. Everest, when your dishes are covering your sink, when you have a looming deadline at work and after-school kid’s activities to boot, where do you even start?

Let me share with you a few things that have helped me in hopes that it will also help you learn to Mostly Thrive. 

 1. Make a written to-do list of ALL the things

Feeling the stress of life is often perpetuated when we don’t have any sort of a plan for how to accomplish the things on our plate.  Having the list swirl around in your head, rather than concretely on paper, adds to the feelings of chaos because we cannot see the things that need to be accomplished. 

Start by making a list in three categories: Today, This Week and This Month.  As you think of the things that you need to do, categorize your to-do list by the most urgent, the less urgent and the least urgent but important things.  By categorizing your to-do list you can focus on the urgent things that need to get done without worrying that you will forget the other things.  

TODAY (MOST URGENT)  

THIS WEEK (LESS URGENT)  

THIS MONTH (LEAST URGENT)  

Write it ALL down (or type it in your phone)!  When I’m overwhelmed, I write even small things down like unloading the dishwasher or feeding the cat, so that I can then cross them off , which for me leads to a sense of accomplishment. 

Put your to-do list somewhere you can see it or access it easily.  Make sure you look at it regularly. After working through my list or crossing off the majority of the tasks, I often start a new list using the same categories as above. 

Keep in mind that your to-do list will likely never go away, which shouldn’t scare you. By writing it down, you are taking control of your thoughts and then allowing yourself the chance to decide where and how to start after seeing the whole picture. 

2. Start by doing something small

I used to think that when I had a huge to-do list, I needed to do the most urgent thing first, even if it meant I would be working on that one thing all day. But what I have realized is that in order to continue in a mode of productivity, you have to experience some success.

So instead of picking the most urgent, pick the thing that can be done with the least amount of effort. When I feel like my house is a mess and I need to get it back in order but I am not sure where to start, I begin by making my bed (if it has not been made yet) or by starting a load of laundry.  Doing something easy helps me move on to the next thing feeling like I will be successful at the next task too. 

After doing the easiest task, pick the next easiest task and move down the list, accomplishing one thing at a time. 

3. Set realistic goals for yourself

I’m sure you’ve heard the old adage, “How do you Eat an Elephant? One Bit at a Time”, but this saying is 100% true. We tend to go through life trying to do everything at once, only to feel stressed out and overwhelmed. Keep in mind that you are not going to be able to do it ALL at the same time!

Your to-do list is likely going to be way longer than you will actually be able to accomplish in a day and that’s okay!  Think about how much time you need to accomplish your tasks and set yourself up for success by recognizing the things that will have to wait for later.  After you have made a to-do list of all your things, organize them by the small things you can get done quickly (again to feel successful) and then the things that you think you can actually do in the amount of time you realistically have to do them.

Don’t start a task that you can’t accomplish, unless you have a plan for the next time you will work on it.  Having a bunch of half-way done tasks is almost as bad as not doing them at all (or worse in my opinion) because then you feel even more pressure than you did before. For example, if I have a closet that needs organized but I know I will only have an hour to work on it in a day, it will be more overwhelming for me to start it and have my clothes all over my room than it would be to just have a messy closet. 

If something you need to do will take a longer period of time, think about the specific time you will have to get it done and schedule it into your calendar.  Try your best to get to some sort of a stopping point before leaving it until the next time. So if I am working on my closet, I might set the goal of going through and organizing all of my shirts one day and all of my shoes and pants another day. Having a plan always helps with the feeling of accomplishment. 

4. Remember the power of “NO”!

We often say “yes” to things that come our way either out of obligation, fear of rejection or perhaps out of having an unrealistic sense of what we truly have time for.

I equate the things we have going on to carrying different plates. Some of the “plates” in our lives are big platters, others are small tea saucers but we tend to have several plates we are carrying at a time. Some of the plates we hold may be made out of paper, while others are made of fine china. Remember that only YOU know how many plates you are juggling at once and the importance of them in your life. 

Everyone has varying abilities to juggle different plates but if you keep piling them up, eventually they will fall, and often the things we care about the most tend to suffer (our family and friends). Recognize when you need to set one of your plates down! This is as simple as saying “NO”!  Now I realize that some things are easier to turn down than others but we hold the power to control the plates we pick up and the plates we let go.

Don’t let social pressure or fear of rejection keep you from setting healthy boundaries in your life. Your true friends will understand. Let the opinion of those who don’t know you (and don’t matter) stay to themselves.

So if you have too much going on, don’t sign up for that committee. If you are barely able to provide a meal for your own family, don’t sign up for the meal train for that lady at church. If you can’t find the time to clean your own home, don’t offer to go organize someone else’s.

You hold the power to say “YES” or “NO”. Use both words wisely.  

5. Make sure you are taking “ME” time! 

As a busy mom, I have a hard time doing things for myself when the needs of my family and those around me feel so pressing. But I have learned that taking “me” time is NOT selfish, it is necessary.  

You can’t pour from an empty cup!

If  you have nothing left to give the people who need you, you are not going to be helping them very much. You have to be “filled” in order to give your best to those in your life.

For me, the ugly truth is that I tend to yell when I’m stressed. I tend to snap easily at my family when I have a lot going on. But when I recharge, I have more patience and I can get through the things that come my way with more grace. When you feel overwhelmed, JUST BREATHE! Taking a few moments to yourself will go a long way in helping you get started.  

“Me” time looks different for everyone.  Some people love to read, take a bath or get some exercise. Others like to spend time with friends, go out for a nice meal or get crafty. Whatever it is that you love, don’t feel guilty taking regular time out to recharge! You will be better and more successful in every area of your life for it. 

6. Ask for help when you need it

In case no one has every told you, I’m here to tell you…You are not superwoman!  There are no prizes in life for keeping the cleanest house or making the cutest treats for your kid’s preschool class.  

Do what you can but ask for help when you are struggling. If you are a perfectionist like me, this will be very hard for you! I have had to move past my desire to do everything myself and recognize that asking for help sets me up for success rather than making me failure. 

If you need help keeping your house clean (and it’s in your budget), hire a house cleaner.  If you are struggling to cook for your family, try a meal solution like Hello Fresh or Blue Apron.  If you need a break from you kids, ask a friend or family member for help (or pay the neighbor girl to watch them). Want your home organized? Hire a professional organizer (My recommendation HERE!!) Check out my advice on “How to Organize Almost Anything” HERE. Struggling to get to the grocery store? Try grocery pick up (How it changed my life HERE)! 

Do the things that only you can do, but don’t feel guilty asking for help (or hiring help if the budget allows) when you need it too!

I hope that you now have a few tools to help you walk through life feeling a little less stressed and better able to walk through what life brings your way. Keep in mind that you do not have to do everything perfectly and give yourself the space to enjoy life. You deserve to Live a Life That’s Mostly Thriving by feeling at peace with who you are and the life you are living.  It’s okay to Mostly Thrive!