I recently had dinner with a good friend of mine who I hadn’t seen in awhile. We were updating each other on our lives and I sat and listened as she shared how many of the things we had been talking about for a few years are now falling into place.  I was genuinly happy for her and for all the progress and success she is experiencing in her life. 

And then I was hit by the comparison trap! 

I’m embarrassed to admit it because it isn’t pretty!  I started to feel insignificant and unaccomplished because MY life isn’t going along with quite the same ease.  I began to question the things I am doing and if I am even making a difference in the lives of those around me. I began to think about all the things that are not going smoothly for me and the challenges I have been facing in various areas of my life.  

Now let me just say, my friend did nothing wrong! And when these feelings creep in, it doesn’t mean you are a bad person either! Whether we like to admit it or not, the comparison trap is all too common for us as women! 

It’s called the comparison “trap” for a reason. We scroll through social media and secretly compare ourselves to that mom who threw the “most amazing birthday party”. Or the woman who has the “picture perfect family” and the one who is always doing the most fun activities with her “perfect group of friends”.  We admire the one who has the “perfect life” and “perfect marriage” and never seems to have a struggle in sight.  Then we feel worse about our own less-than-perfect-life and wonder what we are doing wrong. This type of comparison isn’t healthy or productive and leaves us feeling bad about ourselves and it often perpetuates into a cycle of more comparison. 

Comparison isn’t just prevalent on social media. It is extremely common in face-to-face interactions as well. We run into someone at church, at the store or at a restaurant who looks so put together. She always has the perfect outfit and her kids are always better behaved than ours and we question if we could ever be that “put together” ourselves. 

Sweet friends…THIS IS NOT REALITY!!  

Comparison is a trap. And since it’s something that almost every woman I’ve ever talked to struggles with also, we need to learn what to do about it so we are not allowing it to take hold of our thoughts, our self-worth and our identity.

What you see on social media, through a brief snap shot in a social setting, or even in a heartfelt and genuine conversation with an old friend is not anyone’s daily, moment-to-moment reality. 

When we compare ourselves to an unrealistic view of someone else’s life (someone who has different circumstances than us, might I add) it will always make us feel less than, unworthy, and as if we are incapable of dealing with our own reality.  

The fact is, God gave you your life, with your kids, your husband, your messes, and your good and bad moments to live YOUR best life, not that other woman’s!  

Not a single person on earth “has it all together”.  Everyone has their own mess that they deal with, but it likely looks different than yours. 

Comparison steals our joy and causes us to look at what we AREN’T doing right.  What if we flipped that negative script in our head and changed it to one of recognizing the things we are doing well, focusing on the blessings God has given us and the ways we are succeeding in life? And if you don’t see it, just ask those around you! They will have a long list of the ways you are thriving, I almost guarantee it! 

God gave you your life so you could bless those He puts in your path.  He gives you the struggles you are facing to later speak into someone else’s life and build them up. 

Stop trying to be someone else, because God didn’t create you to be anyone but YOU!  God looks at you and says, “You are mine! You are amazing!  You were never meant to be perfect. Keep doing your best. I see you. I know you. I love you.”

Next time you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else, stop and ask yourself if it’s reality or just your perception with a very limited view.  Likely it is the latter. 

Know that your struggles may be victories for someone else and God didn’t create us all to be alike for a reason.  It does not mean you are less than or not as good as they are. Rather than allowing comparison to steal your joy, celebrate with those who are different.  And don’t be afraid to share your reality with someone without fear of judgment because we all need someone to be real with.

God knows who you are and loves you far more than you can imagine. He is working on you to make you more like Him, rather than like that other person! So stop falling into the comparison trap and seek to be the best YOU that God intended you to be.