When your last baby is no longer a baby

When Your Last Baby is No Longer a Baby

Knowing that we are done having our last baby has left me feeling a lot of unexpected emotions. My husband and I know without a doubt our family is complete (unless God has other plans we don’t know about) but yet with each final milestone that comes, it makes me feel a little more sadness.

As hard as the newborn stage is, I absolutely love it.

But since I know we are done having babies, I will never again hold our own sweet newborn baby in my arms as I sit in a state of complete exhaustion and utter joy.

Gone are the days of night feedings, baby coos or newborn cuddles that I just absolutely adore.

I won’t get to experience the first smile, first solid foods, first time rolling over, or first steps.

After experiencing the joys (and also super difficult moments) of a newborn, FOUR times, our family is without a doubt complete.

So many firsts that I have now experienced for the very last time.

I have known we were done growing our family since before our last baby boy was born. I had a difficult pregnancy with lots of ups and downs. We even had a moment that took me to the ER and we thought we lost him. It was a devastating and traumatic experience that kept me on edge most of the rest of the pregnancy as we met with a specialist for weekly ultrasounds.

Ultimately my pregnancy ended before I was ready at 36 weeks through a necessary and failed induction and lead to an emergent c-section.

My last pregnancy shouldn’t have gone that way. But it did. I experienced heavy postpartum depression as a result.

That is all part of my story now.

God has been good and has brought healing to my heart and mind. I am so thankful for God’s goodness to walk with us in our storms.

It all feels like just yesterday and a lifetime ago all at the same time.

A surprisingly emotional milestone

The most recent milestone that has been the hardest to wrap my mind around is giving up the Binkie (pacifier, nubby, etc…whatever your family calls it)

Binkies have been our life-line for what feels like forever.

And Binkies remind me I have a baby in my house.

The day my first son was born almost eleven years ago, I remember thinking it was a miracle-plug-of-sanity that comforted even when I couldn’t work my mommy magic. That little piece of squishy comfort was a love that went everywhere with us.

So went the story with each one of my sweet babies. First my oldest son, then my two daughters. And finally our last baby boy, the bookend to three already wonderful siblings.

I know what doctors say. Kids should get rid of Binkies when the turn one or for sure by age 2. And that’s what we did with all our other kids.

Our Binkie Bear Tradition

We had a super creative and effective way to get rid of the Binkies that our pediatrician told us about when our oldest was a toddler. This tradition has become a rite of passage in our family.

It starts with planting the seed that big boys/girls don’t use Binkies anymore. (This was usually met with a sweet look and response of, “I baby”).

Next, we gather ALL the Binkies in the ENTIRE house.

We search high and low, making sure there isn’t a purse, bag or hidden crevice where there might be a forgotten Binkie.

Note: This is not only to ensure the toddler doesn’t find one but also so that in a moment of frustration or weakness, the Binkie is not the answer. If it is not an option, you will not use it, therefore, operation “Buy Buy Binkie” will have a 100% success rate.

The following step requires leaving the house and going to Build a Bear to pick out a bear. And then the sweet toddler, as innocent and cute as they are, will surrender each one of the Binkies (one at a time) to the bear maker and say “Buy Buy Binkie” and they will never be seen again.

It has worked with each one of my kids. FOUR times like a charm.

I mean super effective, so much so that after the first day and night, Binkies are nothing but a figment of their sweet innocent imaginations.

My youngest son, now 2.5 has been the most attached to his Binkies of all four of my kids.

He was mildly obsessed. When he was old enough to understand that Binkies were for night-night only, he would go lay down just so he could suck his Binkie.

He would put two of them in his mouth at once, mostly just to get a laugh out of everyone.

When we really couldn’t console him, for whatever reason, having one Binkie in his mouth and second (or even third) one in his hand seemed to provide the ultimate comfort.

He was the oldest of all the kids to get rid of his Binkie.

But since he is the baby of our family, he wasn’t quite ready to give it up, right? I mean, he is still so sweet and innocent. At least that’s what I told myself.

The reality was that subconsciously I was not ready! And I didn’t even realize it until the day came.

I knew it was time. I just felt like it had been long enough and since Binkies can cause dental issues, I didn’t want to prolong the process any longer. After all, we had done this successfully three other times! How hard could it be?

I had no idea. Emotionally, operation “Buy Buy Binkies” was super hard this fourth and final time!

Not for our son.

He was fine.

I’m talking about for me!

The Last “Binkie Bear” Day

The day we went to the Build-a-Bear store, I cried off and on most of the day. I’m not usually emotional about these kind of things! I mean, you would have thought I was the one giving up the Binkies!

We did each of the steps necessary to allow a smooth transition of giving up the Binkies and our youngest son, just like all of the others did great.

The first night he asked to take them out. He cried a little telling me he wanted his Binkies and wanted a few extra snuggles before bed. I didn’t mind a bit.

The next day, he had a super short nap and the next day he didn’t nap at all. I was worried if this could the beginning of the end of nap time. But after just a few days he didn’t mention the Binkies at all!

It has been just over a week and although he did look in the drawer where the Binkies used to go for the first time last night before bed, he has transitioned to the whole big boy thing quite well!

I suppose I will have to follow suit!

Although it is sad for me to know we won’t have any more babies in our house, I can change my attitude and accept that with these “lasts” also come many exciting first!

The emotions of one of the “lasts” surprised me and I know there will be many more.

We have already started dabbling in potty training which is by FAR my most dreaded of all toddler milestones. But I know the day diapers are no longer needed in our home may come with more emotions of their own.

What I’m realizing is that it is okay (and very normal) to feel these mixed feelings of sadness and joy. It is somewhat of a grief I am experiencing to know that my baby is growing up. Before I know it, he will be off to school like my big kids. He has his whole life ahead of him and I know that Binkies and Potty Training will be the furtherest thing from any of our minds in a very short time.

We have a whole lifetime of firsts ahead of us! For now, I am going to soak up every last minute of the toddler snuggles and slobbery kisses.

My last baby may be growing up, but he will ALWAYS be my baby!

Melissa Emerson

Hi! I’m Melissa Emerson, a wife, a mom of four, and author of Mostly Thriving. I am passionate about helping others thrive in their homes, in their motherhood and in their self-confidence. I know that to thrive we have to continue to learn every day. I promise to be real, vulnerable and authentic as we learn together how to live a life that’s Mostly Thriving.

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